James Rothwell

James RothwellRecently declassified documents reveal the first publicly available details on the player known only as “James”. Listing his favourite band as the Killers and his job only as “financial compliance” information still remains sketchy. This interview will self destruct in five seconds.




Current alias: James
Age: 30ish
Height: 5’9 and a half or 5’11 in heels
Previous clubs: Woodland Boys, Hawkwell Athletic, Hornchurch AFC
How long have you played for Albion as part of your deep cover: A year
Club you support: Arsenal
Favourite food: Ceviche
Favourite film: The Departed / 300
Favourite TV programme: Globetrekker
Favourite player: Zidane
Player you are most like: Cesc Fabregas
Do you have any non Albion codenames: I don’t think so.
Best subject at school: English, I’m fluent now.
Superstitions: Along the lines of John Roberts Cafe Nero ritual, but prefrerably within the confines of Clapham Common.
Career highlight: Playing for Arsenal Youth
Favourite music: Killers / Foo Fighters
Current operational cover: Financial Compliance.
Are you haunted by troubling dreams and possess a surprising degree of skill in martial arts and linguistics: Dreams: No. Thats only if you feel guilty about your actions. Martial Arts? I think that’s Stewart after the other Sunday. Linguistics? Only when drunk.
How do you psyche yourself up for Albion games: No need, I’m always on the level.
If you had a sister, which Albiones would you not you let her date and why: Will. After seeing his John Roberts warm up routine I think it would lead her to a life of frustration, I don’t think that would be fair.
Best piece of footballing advice: Don’t train too hard or too often.
Favourite football game of all-time: Germany / England – 2001
Favourite drink: Caipirinhia
What is your preferred weapon for a close quarter kill? A knife or garrotte?: The latter. Takes longer and can appreciate it more.
Pre-match meal: 3 egg whites, rye bread, 3 organic weetabix with skimmed milk and natural youghurt.
Worst football pundit: Mark Lawrenson.
Most annoying Southern Sunday ref: That clown from last week.
Pin-up: Gisele.
Pick your all-time greatest team: Gordan Banks, Cafu, Nesta, Stam, Maldini, Best,  Viera,  Zidane, Maradonna, Puskas Subs: Henry, Wright, Walcott, Stanley Matthews, and Fabregas.

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