Dave McPhee

Dave McPheeDave talks about occassional 30-yard shots, clattering opponents, that drunken piss and why he might be the Albion’s John O’Shea.





Name: Dave McPhee
Age: 32

Height: 6″1
Previous clubs: Saltergate (Under 10’s – 16s); St John Fisher AFC; Commercial Union; JP Morgan and a various 5 – a – side teams
Club you support: Manchester United
Favourite food: In classic stereotypical Yorkshire mode I must admit I love a good pie. But in all fairness I’ll eat anything other than Jindy’s twice defeated curry off ‘curries’.
Favourite film: Godfather Part 2 which if look at in a very skewed way could relate to The Albion. I can see a day when the simmering Stanley sibling rivalry results in Reuben having John bumped off on a fishing trip.
Favourite TV programme: The West Wing.
Favourite player: After suffering with United through the mid 80s to early 90s watching Cantona most weeks was a joy. Certainly beat Ralph Milne.
Player you are most like: I know I have been politely described me as The Albions Claude Makelele (although that might be as I’m punching above my weight by being engaged to Laura). However, as I’ve played every position for The Albion bar keeper, “lightening slow” and rumoured to be homosexual, I’m probably more John O’Shea.
Do you have any non Albion nicknames: At uni I was known as The Whippet due to one night of high jinx I can’t get in to on here should my Mother ever stumble upon this site. My mates at home call me Hank as my very rare angry outbursts are, by all accounts, similar to the Jim Carrey character in ‘Me, Myself and Irene’.
Best subject at school: History.
Superstitions: Not really a superstition but I think my performance would suffer if anything was to change to the classic pre match Albion routine, i.e. Jon Roberts ‘unloading’; collective mocking of Jon Stanley; the pervy warm up etc etc.
Career highlight: Winning the Under 16 regional cup as captain for Saltergate in 1992. There’s nowt like being the captain of a cup winning team. For The Albion I’m still fond of the game where I almost single handedly beat Sparta Park, first by scoring a classic 25 yard volley, and then by removing their best player through the classic tactic of starting a scrap and getting us both sent off.
Favourite music: This changes all the time but at the moment I’m listening to a worryingly large amount of late 60s/early 70s Californian rock. My teenage self would be less than impressed.
Other job: Project Manager.
How do you psyche yourself up for Albion games: I tend to read Jade’s stirring, capital letter only text messages over and over again until I’m suitably wound up.
If you had a sister, which Albiones would you not you let her date and why: I do have a Sister and there would be less options if the question was who would I let her date, however, I’ve warned her to steer clear of James aka Matthew aka Jason Bourne. The history of the partners of secret agents is pretty bleak and I don’t want Jane being assassinated by Blofeld (insert link of Dan Roberts). On the plus side though she’d always be guaranteed a lift home from the airport.
Best piece of footballing advice: Not advice as such but my Dad (or “Dave’s Racist Dad” if you prefer) at various times said the following to me when I was a kid:1 – Upon tearing my groin whilst taking a free kick – “Bloody hell Dave, that’s what happens when you don’t kick a ball properly” 2 – After missing yet another tackle -“Dave, there’s more to tackling than just running alongside your opponent” 3 – After losing out in a 50/50 aerial challenge to a player a good few inches shorter than me – “For someone who’s 6 foot you are hopeless in the air” Bless him. As my game is now almost exclusively focussed on the occasional 30 yard shot; clattering into opponents and winning headers I can only assume some of the above sunk in.
Favourite Game of all time: Man Utd vs Arsenal FA Cup Semi Final replay in 99. It had it all really. The two best individual teams of the last 15 years going at it hammer and tongs; a sending off; a last minute saved penalty and the greatest goal of all time (cue email from Jindy mocking my choice of greatest goal of all time).
Favourite drink: Tea; Guinness or ‘Free Alex Kronenburg’. Not in the same glass.

Which three famous people living or dead would you invite to dinner and why: Oooops. I think this is the rogue question that I should spend a few hours on a la Jindy Mann and come up with a long hilarious answer. However I have a meeting in a minute. So to rectify a situation I faced at a Coldplay gig I went to a few years back (don’t ask) where I managed to get back stage/VIP tickets only to discover there were (a) no supermodels and (b) they RAN OUT of fooking beer, I have decided to invite Jimi Hendrix, Keith Richards and David Crosby. Those guys will show me a good time. Take note Chris Martin. Gwyneth Paltrow was quite tasty though.
Pre-match meal: Porridge if up early enough or a Snickers bar if not.

What song gets you on the dance floor: With The Albion any camp 70s disco or 80s soft metal classic seems to do the job.
Worst football pundit: It’s probably unfair but I have an irrational dislike of Jamie Redknapp (Franky, Lampo, Lampsy). I got a bit cross yesterday as he was in a copy of Hello that Laura was reading. Pair him up with “look into my eyes” Andy Gray and it’s enough to make me stop watching football.
Worst Southern Sunday ref: It has to be the swearing monkey whose name escapes me. Apart from being staggeringly rude he is also a truly shocking ref. I’m all for equal opportunities but Sunday League football is no place for a ref with Tourettes Syndrome.
Pin-up: Natalie Portman. Dan Roberts thinks she’s my choice as she “looks like a boy”. I don’t know, you go for a drunken pi*s three years ago…………………………….
Pick your all-time greatest team: Schmeichel; Irwin; Baresi; Desailly; Maldini; Platini; Zidane; Keane; Maradona; Ronaldo (the fat one); Van Basten.

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