John Stanley

JohnStanleyThere are legends, Albion legends and then there is John Stanley. After spending nearly half his life playing for the Albion he finally reveals all.






Name: John Stanley
Age: 39 and holding
Height: Lanky
Previous clubs: SFG Clapham 
How long have you played for Albion: Ages! I joined around 1992 when Albion still had three teams! 
Club you support: The mighty Tottenham Hotspur
Favourite food: Trifle
Favourite film: Delirious- Eddie Murphy at his best.
Favourite TV programme: Heroes
Favourite player: All time- Paul Gascoigne Current- Torres
Player you are most like: Anthony Gardner- Tall, black, looks awesome on his day and an error-prone donkey on others!
Heroes outside of football: The surgeons who did my vasectomy without cutting anything off that I still needed!
Do you have any non Albion nicknames: Stan or Big Stan
Who is the better footballer, you or Reuben: We play in different positions so it’s a tough call, he is much more skilful than me but I am more combative than him. I would say Reuben.
A third member of the Stanley family has also played for Albion. What are your memories of this match and their infamous performance: James has never been allowed to forget a goalkeeping “performance” of such singular ineptitude and he never will be. It’s rare that so many goals can be blamed on the keeper alone. [Editors note – Sometime around 2003, desperately short of players for fixture against Westminster Wanderers, John secured the “goalkeeping” services of his brother James. It wasn’t so much the fact that he wasn’t a goalkeeper, but the fact that he didn’t appear to have even the most basic concept of what a goalkeeper should do. Imagine a showreel of goalkeeping bloopers condensed into one man and displayed during one 90 minute football match. Albion lost 5-0.] 
Please explain the performance enhancing aspects of your headband: It contains a drug which seeps into my skull throughout the game, calming me and aiding my decision making. But seriously…I sweat a lot and it stops sweat getting in my eyes during the game. 
Best subject at school: Literacy
Superstitions: None.
Who is the UK’s hardest TV presenter? Danny ‘Football Factories’ Dyer or Ross ‘on Gangs’ Kemp: For me, the boy Kemp puts himself in mortal peril all over the world which makes him much ‘arder.
Career highlight: Playing in a cup final with Albion.
You’ve played Sunday football for 20 years. How has the game changed in that time: Back in the day proper pub teams predominated; chock full of slow,beer bellied 30-plus year olds. Dust-ups and sledging abounded on woeful pitches. Now, it’s full of younger, faster fitter and more cocky players on slightly less woeful pitches. 
How does the current Albion team compare to those you’ve played with before: I have played in the Premier with the Albion first team and that had some very good players in it. The teams reduced to two, then one, and unfortunately the quality diminished considerably, for many years a lot of the players didn’t hurt despite defeat after defeat, it was all about the pub. I put out feelers to other clubs as I was fed up with the loser mentality but then a revolution happened and new, hungry younger players like Vilem, Neale Scott and Mike Rigby came in and it was a joy to play again. We have had some great squads since then. This current squad has the potential to do very well, it’s full of talented players. 
Favourite music: I love all types of music- Beatles, R&B, pop, reggae, useful since I DJ, so whatever I play I enjoy.
Who writes your jokes and why haven’t you sacked him: My mind is always buzzing with silly ideas and I find it hard to keep them to myself. I matched Noel Edmonds pun for pun when I appeared on Deal or no deal- I can be seen on the show from 18 November to 19 December. 
Other job: Learning Mentor at primary school, children’s entertainer and mobile DJ.
How do you psyche yourself up for Albion games: I try to focus on the things the manager says and try to better previous performances.
If you had a sister, which Albiones would you not you let her date and why: Johnny Rob, as I have seen enough of his pelvic thrusts and I wouldn’t want to think of him using them on family!
Best piece of footballing advice: Keep it simple
Favourite football game of all-time: Tottenham 3 Arsenal 1 FA Cup semi 1991
Favourite drink: Cider
Pre-match meal: Frosties
Favourite football pundit: Chris Kamara– Boundless enthusiasm
Most annoying Southern Sunday ref: The ones who are too pally pally and don’t want to make tough decisions.
Pin-up: Beyonce
Pick your all-time greatest team: I have stuck to players I have seen in the flesh to make it easier for myself. 4-4-2 Southall,Pearce, Mabbutt, McGrath, Irwin, Ginola, Gazza, Hoddle, Waddle, Lineker, Klinsmann. Not a tackle in that midfield but the other team would never have the ball anyway so it doesn’t matter!

  1. #1 by pikey mo on 1 March 2013 - 1:49 pm

    i think mr stanley is awsome and if he went against messi he would win thats how good he is ilovehim

(will not be published)