“My dream was to build Albion into a bastion of invincibility…. didn’t quite work.”

The History of Albion

Albion (in Ptolemy Alouion), is the ancient name of Great Britain, though sometimes used (incorrectly) to refer specifically to England.

Albion FC were formed in 1962 by King Arthur. He charged the original Knights of Albion (or ‘Albiones’ as they are now known) with protecting the Holy Blood of Albion. Drinking the Blood of Albion has become a tradition at the club. They also play football.

Roger SoperOne of King Arthur’s original Knights, Roger Soper is still the club’s official Secretary. Rumour has it that Roger is technically immortal having drunk the Blood of Albion from James Farrow’s football boot (see Albion Legends).

Between 1962 and 2001, Albion won the title 57 times, prompting the club’s kit manufacturers (George at Asda) to place a gold star on the blood red jerseys. They became an infamous breeding ground for professional players including Mel Sterland, Robert Fleck, William Prunier, Ben Thornley and Neil Redfearn.

Albion’s longest serving manager is Ronald Atkinson who stewarded the club between 1982 and 2001. Moving from Kettering Town, Big Ron transformed mild mannered Albion by introducing excessive profane language and institutional racism to the club. Now a disgraced pundit, Big Ron looks back on his time at Albion fondly “They were fucking halcyon days. I turned up with a great arrive and really got things going in the mixer. I tell you what, it was a real crowd scene in there in those days, I had to work like a cunt to get things sorted. But I gave it the full gun and soon we were pissing all over teams for fun. It was Hollywood balls and lollipops all over the shop. Fucking spotters badge to me, you twat”. Ron’s time with Albion however, was not without controversy. He was once thrown out of Albion’s official boozer, The Alex, for asking the barmaid “Got any fucking roast dinners?”. He was eventually sacked in 2001 after racially abusing Glaswegian legend Gordon Clark, telling him “You lot are all the same. You should go back to your hamlet and eat fucking Weetabix.”

Neale ScottAt the end of the 2005/6 season, senatorial legend Neale Scott stepped down as manager. His tenure saw some epic achievements by the Albion including the doomed cup run in the 2004/5 season culminating in the dramatic final at Sutton United – now known as The Lost Final. He also presided over the development of many youth players, as well as many not-youthful-at-all players. Asked about his youth development success Scott famously and modestly said “I just like working with kids”.

JadeBarkerStepping into the void was current incumbent, Jade Barker. After spending the close season researching coaching methods at the Kansas City Wizards, Barker introduced a disciplined and professional approach including warming up and trim spotting. This was one of several reasons he earned the nickname The Iron Fist. He has also evoked memories of the orange era of Big Ron with an increased use of coarse language and smut.

After several decades of playing in the Southern Sunday League Division 1, the club were accidentally promoted to the Premier League following The Great League Restructuring Disaster of 2007, which sent shock waves through the world of south London Sunday football. Despite club boss Roger Soper’s frantic negotiations at the highest levels of the Surrey FA, Albion found themselves at the summit of the Southern Sunday football pyramid.

Albion’s first season in the Premiership was always going to be difficult. A fine opening day victory over Sparta Park was the last victory the team enjoyed for some considerable time, as a dire pre-Christmas run saw the club rooted to the foot of the table.

The Christmas Albion night out took an unexpected turn when a clearly tired and emotional Neale Scott declared that he was retiring from all forms of Albion football with immediate effect. Two weeks later, to the surprise of no-one, Scott was once again pulling on the famous plasma red. Slowly, but surely, Albion began to aclimatise to the new division. An improvement in form in the new year saw a slow accumulation of points and Albion inch their way up the table. A famous 4-0 win, which included the immortal “in order to do God’s work you need a bit of the devil’ Barker team talk, over Sparta Park secured Premiership status for another year.

  1. #1 by Josh on 17 April 2011 - 6:37 am

    Did you lot know that there’s an Albion FC in Stockholm, Sweden???

    If you want to, we could link up as ‘overseas partners’ and even seed off each other if the opportunities show themselves.

    What do you think?

    Josh – Chairman and Coach/manager

  2. #2 by Peter Bailey on 31 October 2011 - 3:21 pm

    It was great to read the Albion website pages. As a former player with Roger Soper back in the 60’s I was pleased to see he is still associated with the club. I had a lot of great times playing for the team from 1962-1980 and it is good that the club is still going and also that it is raising money for charity.
    Good Luck for the season

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