Duncan Hale

DuncanHaleLeonardo Di Caprio biggest fan explains his soft spot for the Spice Girls, why real men use their teeth, and a cryptic explanation of why’s he’s the Southern Sunday’s answer to Carlos Valderrama.





Name:  Duncan Hale
Age:  29
Height: Almost my width
Previous clubs:  Baulkham Hills Kookaburras
How long have you played for Albion:  ‘Played’ is a euphemistic term – I’ve been around for 2 seasons.
Club you support:  Penrith Panthers
Favourite food:  Witchi grubs and chicken praprika – served seperartely as a two course meal
Favourite film:  The Usual Suspects, most things that Leonardo Di Caprio dies in (including Titanic – how I cried) and I  have a soft spot for the Spice Girls.
Favourite TV programme:  The West Wing and Buffy – the third series is probably the best 24 hours of television ever put together; the Mayor is the funniest villian of all time, while whenever I take a knock to the head I always dream of Elizah Dushnik in leather pants.
Favourite player:  Super Timmy Cahill
Player you are most like:  Carlos Valdarrama – floats around the field, picks up a bit of water, difficult names to spell.  I had a bit more hair than him at high school though.
Do you have any non Albion nicknames:  Reggie
Best subject at school: Drama, detention
Superstitions:  I consider it bad luck to stick a fork in a power socket
Career highlight:  It was a bright sunny afternoon in late July in Sydney, about 15 degrees (much like a UK July afternoon, but with more sun).  I was 22 and playing in the Granville Premier League (which is like the English Premier League, but with less foreigners), we were 4th going into the day, playing the 5th place side in a competition where there was a final series for the top 4 (us Aussies play finals to decide a comp – thats why when it comes to sufdden death games we can handle pressure) and it was thus a must win game.  My coach and I had a little disagreement the week before -  due tio his desire to pick a vilem like show-pony in the middle of the park, rather than a winner like me, I had called him sh!t, which he disagreed with – and so I was benched.  Coming on mid way through the second half and we were down 2-1, a few slide rule pass to our flying right winger, who puts in a low cross for our striker to equalise.  I was already being lauded as the substitute of the millenium by the 70 strong crowd, when I arrived into the box five minutes later like lightning.  The ball broke to me and was bouncing about knee height; the moment went into slow motion as I leant into the ball, curling into the top right hand corner off the post.  Baulkham Hill were 3-2 up with 10 minutes to play.  We scored again quickly after this to kill of the game (miraculously, I was not involved in this goal, as I was now playing deeper to protect the back 3) and despite a late-late consolation goal we went onto win 4-3 and finish the season 3rd.
Favourite music:  Crappy dance, cheesy pop and polka
Other job:  Investment Consultant
Biggest difference between Australian and UK football (our level, not pro football):  We trained in Australia, and it probably showed in the fitness and commitment.
How do you castrate a sheep:  Real men do it with your teeth – its humane to do it with your canines, but I have known ‘friends’ to use their molars.
Favourite football game of all-time:  Australia versus Croatia at the 2006 World Cup.  We had to draw to go through, and after probably Guus Hiddink’s worst ever tactical decision when he replaced Mark Schwarzer with Zelko Kalacs, we went down early to a goalkeeping error.  Equalising late in the first half to a penalty through the pacey ex-Toon Craig Moore, we went down again early in the second half.  Harry Kewell scored with ten minutes to go to send the crowd (including by now, one very full Duncan Hale) into raptures, Graham Poll then started showing yellow cards like there was no tomorrow (including seventeen to a single Croatian player) and he then disallowed a goal to Super Timmy Cahill on the stroke of full-time.
Favourite drink:  Southern Comfort and Coke.
Australia’s ability to regularly beat England in sport deeply irritates the nation. Is there anything we do as a country that Australians find equally annoying: Where do I start – lets narrow it down to four:
i) You drink Fosters – if it wasn’t for you f*ckers this sh!te would have stopped production years ago.
ii) Bodyline – its not the actual act that is so disappointing (although as an aside, the 1980’s mini-series dramatising the events had one of the Aussie batsmen dying from a bouncer, spuring a whole new generation of Australian pom hating) but the fact that we didn’t think of it first.  Pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable in a sport is what we do!!
iii) You watch Home and Away / Neighbours – see comment for i) above.
iv) The Queen’s Xmas message – this annually interupts my viewing of Its A Wonderful Life for the 1076th time
Pre-match meal:  Raw meat
Favourite football pundit: I like the fans choice on Sky – although I think the grumpy Scottish guy on Sky is also pretty intelligble, much better than the grumpy Scottish guy on BBC.
Most annoying Southern Sunday ref:  its got to be Dan Roberts – he is a ref isnt he?
Pin-up:  Gotta be Jamie Lee Curtis – I love irony of her name.  What a woman?
Pick your all-time greatest team: Not sure, but there has to be a position for Warnie and the Don.  Through in Greg ‘Brandy’ Alexander and Phar Lap and you have yourself a winning team.

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