Jade Barker

JadeBarkerTravelling to an away game with Jade is an initiation rite for any new player. Here Jade tells us what he will be doing with his philosophy of trim and what we can expect from his team talks next season.





Name: Jade Barker

Age: 34
Height: 5ft 10
Previous clubs: Stringfellow’s, China White, Jacob’s
Club you support: Arsenal – Fully fledged born’n’bred Gooner
Favourite food: West Indian, chicken, rice & peas. I also love Chocolate Hob Nobs.
Favourite film: A Place In the Sun, Streetcar Named Desire, I’m a big Marlon Brando Fan.
Favourite TV programme: Curb Your Enthusiasm – without a doubt the funniest show ever. Larry David is the Man.
Favourite player: Graeme Souness, he was hard as muthafu*king nails and always gave 100%, good footballer and strong in every way on the pitch. Was probably one of the few players that made wearing a moustache look cool. Yeah he was a shit manager after Rangers.
Player you are most like: I’d probably say I’m a combination of two players, Les Ferdinand for strength and offensive power and Paul Davis, I dont score as much anymore but I can still pass well and put defenders under pressure.
Football manager you are most like: Keith Alexander, one of the first black managers.
Do you have any non Albion nicknames: Chocolate Boy Wonder.
Best subject at school: Sociology
Superstitions: None – but I don’t recomend walking around the changing rooms in Clapham Common at night.
Career highlight: In playing terms the 06/07 Albion season, we played some brilliant football, had a long unbeaten streak scoring a lot of goals & was my 1st season as manager.
Favourite music: Anything by The Verve, Pete Rock or Kanye West.
Other job: Assassin of elevated ego’s & reputations. International film buyer.
How do you psyche yourself up for Albion games: I used to watch the defeat of Man Utd in 1998 at Highbury, 3-2 Platt with the winner. Now I just play Kashmir by Led Zeppelin.
If you had a sister, which Albiones would you not let her date and why: John Stanley, well if he’s got a head like a 50p piece……..
You are the manager. Albion are playing at home. Greg is late, and Don has forgotten the balls. What do you do?: I’d probably tell Don to forget about the game today as he forgot the balls, and as for Greg he will NEVER be late again.
Favourite football game of all-time: Tough one but I really enjoyed Arsenal beating man Utd 1-0 at Old Trafford, Wiltord got the goal, and we did batter them in that game.
Favourite drink: I’m abstemious, so its probably Ginger Beer.
Which three famous people living or dead would you invite to dinner and why: Larry David, Vivienne Westwood, my missus. Well one is a phenomenal writer/comedian, one is a phenomenal designer and one is my missus
Which literary classic can we expect to be incorporated into a team talk next season: Probably the Odyssey by Homer, one man’s search for his father and enlightenment on the treacherous seas of Greece. Also Dantes Inferno.
Pre-match meal: None, Like many other Albiones every Sunday for the past 8-10 years I’ve had to move the bowels before leaving the house, so I tend not to eat anything.
Have you ever considered publishing your philosophies and theories on “trim“? I have and it will be called “The Tao of trim….if they’re slim”.
What song gets you on the dance floor: At the moment “Dance wiv me” by Dizee Rascal
Worst football pundit: David “Fu*king” Pleat, he’s a proper c*nt.
Most annoying Southern Sunday ref: Cesar, man that guy doesn’t even bring subtitles when he talks.
Pin-up: I was gonna say Zeta Jones but its probably, Makelele’s missus.

Pick your all-time greatest team: Seaman, Maldini, Cafu, Adams, Baresi, Zidane, Vieira, Souness, Gullit, Henry, Ronaldo (the Fat one) Subs: Francescoli, Wright

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