McCue: Author of this week's match report
Well, a big day ahead for Albion – a fixture that could go a long way to deciding the destination of this year’s league title. But we’ll get to that later.
The day stared off pretty average for me when a mix up with my official drinks supplier ended up with a bottle off Tropical Lucozade Sport taking residence in my footy bag. I know, who the fvck drinks Tropical Lucozade Sport. No one else at Albion – as they all turned up with Orange, w@nkers. My day started look up when I heard Rich and his cheery nature complaining about the clocks and only getting 2 hours kip, because 3 hours always does it for me. Now buzzing from Rich’s apparent hangover, we were on route to the pitch. I had managed to be Nick Evans’ plus 1 in his new 2 seat sports car. For a moment I felt like we could be Bonny & Clyde or Thelma & Louise. Eventually that wore off and I felt like an Amanda Holden from BBC 1’s Cutting It.
Into the changing rooms, very impressive might I add, a sit down shower with a cushioned seat – Clapham Common this was not, no need to bring your own sh1t paper today. The usual banter was going off (Kasbag, Plasbag, How many girls in the boot of your car Rich), but no one was under estimating the task ahead. This was a big match and we all knew it.
The team to start was Bill in Nets, Matt T starring in the ‘Dunc the Galloping Horse’ role, Dunc and Simon centre halves and the effervescent Will Slater at left back. Nick started wide right, Jindy on the left and myself and Dave in the middle. Up front was Ben Button and Rich P.
After a typical rousing team talk/battle cry from the Gaffer. We headed over pitch side to warm up. Southbank looked up for this game, although I was slightly disappointed to see that they had stolen the arm swing routine and the neck roll. The cheek – nothing is sacred in football these days!!
McPhee: Dave controversially in the 'Dave role'
To the game……………… We started at an immense pace, something I don’t think the Southbank lads were expecting. High press, quick passing, strong tackles – this is the start the Gaffer was after. After some great D (that’s for you Bill), the ball broke on the edge of our area, ever aware Dave performing the ‘Dave’ role to perfection reacted first scooped up the loose ball, without even looking (telepathy) plays a pin-point through ball to Rich, who outmuscles his man and coolly slots under the keeper. 1-0 and barely 5 minutes n the clock. Surely these boys will come back, shouts of still 0-0 from Simon calms everyone down and we go again. Could this be our day???
Southbank get into a slight groove – passing and moving but we match them all the same. A Southbank attack breaks down this time I react the quickest, a quick look up sees Rich perched on their Centre Halves shoulder, he wasn’t quick enough last time I think, ping. Over the defender’s head, Rich one touch into his stride, carries on into the box and slots away his second of the match. He’s obviously worried the rope won’t last until after the game!!
Could this get any better, oh yes it could. Before we could regain our composure from the second goal. We were at it again – now I have conflicting reports for the third goal and unfortunately Jindy I won’t be using yours. So from my hazy recollection and with a little help from Rich – here goes. After great work down the right flank form our 2 goal, girl in the boot hero Rich Pemberton, it seemed all the Skipper had to do was control the ball and roll into the net. But after failing spectacularly with stage 1, the ball was shinned (mis-controlled) towards Albion’s own Steve Leslie, who controls under pressure and side foots in to the wanting net. 3-0, 20 minutes gone, could this be the cake walk it’s beginning to look like??
The game now becomes bogged down in midfield, with Southbank playing some nice stuff, but not finding the killer ball. A dubious free kick is awarded, probably given away by myself. A hopeful ball is lobbed into the area where the unmarked and arguably offside Captain of Southbank gets in front of Bill and glances a header into the net. 3-1 but we are still looking strong.
Another 5 minutes of midfield slog continues as we try to see out Southbank’s renewed enthusiasm, but another free kick some 35 yards out leads to yet another goal for the Southbank Captain as he picks out the top left hand corner with a great strike. Now they really are back in it.
Day: Provided half time entertainment
We get to halftime and the Gaffer and Skipper tell us exactly what is required from us today and what this result means. With fluids consumed and a slight chuckle at Barney’s choice of outfit we head back out on the pitch. But before the game can be started said Ginger one and the opposition liner are having a few words. Lord Barnaby is asked to retreat to the safe haven of The Gaffer’s side.
Back to the game. The second half was a bit hazy for me – but I do know Simon and Duncan were immense repelling wave after wave of Southbank attack as they continuously searched for the equaliser and a way back into the title fight. Apart from one hairy moment for Albion as one of their players eventually found a way past Dunc and Simon and nearly lobbed Bill who brilliantly made it back and punched the ball over for a corner, I can only count one or two shouts(from outside the area) that Bill had to deal, other than that there wasn’t much to report.
In between we had looked dangerous on the counter and Rich, Steve and maybe even Jindy (no scrap that one) had chances to put the game out of sight for us. A couple of changes were made with Vil and Don coming on for the both excellent Dave and Nick. Southbank now lose their inspirational Captain and maybe we think, this could go our way. No time to think of victory yet as IÂ foul their left winger on the touchline. The ref rightly books me and away we go again.
Turner: "Don leapt like a giant black salmon and Matt headed it in"
After some good work by Matt down the right flank we win a throw in. Rich hurls the ball in the box a-la Delap and Matt T, possibly the smallest man on the pitch does Don proud and rises between 2 defenders and heads into the net. I can’t but shout, get in 4-2, surely we have it in the bag???
And we do, their Centre Forward screams at his team mates for not giving him any chances that day and they should be gutted at being beaten by a bunch of fat b@st@rds. We ride out the game and assume our place at the top of the league. Fully deserved boys, but let’s not forget we have 2 tough games before we can celebrate.