Barker: Blasted Capello
Jade Barker has poured scorn on England manager Fabio Capello after the Italian suggested that he only needed 100 words in order to communicate with his players.
Capello had been trying to answer critics of his management, however, only seems to have succeeded in creating more. Barker was swift to join the chorus of disapproval, the Albion supremo said: “Communication is key. If Capello thinks he can turn England into world beaters with a hundred words he’s gravely mistaken.â€
However, Barker’s criticism of Capello took a surprising turn. Rather than lambast the former Real Madrid and AC Milan manager for his limited command of the English language, Barker derided the Italian for using too many words. Barker said: “Football is a simple game, played unfortunately at Albion by the simple minded. Too many words only serve to confuse.â€
The Albion manager then went on to claim that he had actually simplified the English language to just six key words. The Albion website can now exclusively reveal Barker’s dictionary for success.
Execute – chances, crosses, passes and tactical instructions should, ideally, be executed. A fate that often awaits players who do not.
Efficiency – a Barker watchword. Perhaps conscious of fitness levels within the squad Barker preference is for things to be done with the minimum of effort.
Communication – Barker is a big fan of communication. Although don’t try communicating when he’s already started talking.
Mental aptitude – Crucial to the team’s success in recent years. However, whilst everyone in the squad can solve a scrambled Rubik cube in under 10 seconds, sometimes the finer details of when or where Albion are playing do escape the memories of some players.
Collective – Barker has borrowed heavily from Marxist political theory in his managerial philosophy. Barker regularly preaches the need for individuals efforts to contribute to the collective.
Progress – Another term borrowed from Marxist teaching. Barker regularly extols players to make progress. Players can make progress individually and collectively. These efforts enable the club to progress. Sadly for players who just want a sit down and cold lager, progress is continual and without end.