Find out who spent a night in Wandsworth nick, who makes more noise than a wounded buffalo on the karzee and what makeshift strikers do for the good of the team. Read Nick Evans match report now!
The Albion descended upon their usual point of assembly outside the Alex in buoyant mood following a confidence boosting 3 game winning streak including a 6-1 demolition of early pace setters Westminster Wanderers. This week’s opponents were De Novo, a side which many Albiones felt we owed a bit of payback not only from our defeat on the first day of the season but a 5-2 semi final disappointment back in 2009.
Slater: "warm up specialist"
As the squad stood outside in the dreary November rain (just like Axel Rose had described) , waiting for persistent latecomer and resident warm up specialist Will Slater it became clear that this time he wasn’t going to show up. A text from an anonymous source to the gaffer advised him to proceed to Wandsworth without the disco flower.
For the first time in Albion history a convoy was impeccably observed and all four cars made the short journey to the ground with no problem where there were a couple of helmets waiting for them in the shape of Vilem & Simon. Still no Will Slater. Albion made their way into a shared dressing room where we realised there was only a bare squad of 11, plus Will if he ever showed up. The gaffer got a phone call and said he was off to the station to collect Will, leaving Jindy in charge to moan about stats and Don to have a dump in the corner of the room whilst making worrying noises (seemingly from both ends of his body).
The Albion then made their way out onto the pitch. It was the size of a tennis court and had approximately 19 blades of grass and it became apparent that this would not be a surface conducive to the free flowing total football that Albion have been displaying lately (well just last week v Westminster but nonetheless).
The warm up started. Still no Will Slater at the time when Albion needed him most. The Albion tried to persevere without him- mocking each other for stupid accents, poor touches crap hair cuts and the like. But just then when it seemed the banter was reaching new depths, Jade pulled up with an exhausted and dishevelled Will Slater who hurriedly got changed on the side of the pitch to reveal his knees were already dirty! Rumours circulated that Jade had gone to pick him up from the station, he had meant Wandsworth Police and not Rail Station for Slater had been discovered in the night with his kaz bag on Clapham Common. Slater offered no comment instead touching his toes with a noticeable grimace.
Anyway, to the football. Albion Lined up 4-4-2 or 4-1-3-1-1 if you’re going to be pedantic. Vil in goal, Dunc- Stew- Barny- Will at the back, Nick- Simon- Andy- Jindy in the midfield and Don and Steve up front. Dave McPhee was the only sub as the injured Bill Blaney and Myles Gutierrez looked on. The old man with the stick had failed to travel. Selfish Prick.
Evans: Claiming assist for De Novo opener
The game began and was a hugely scrappy affair in the opening minutes with neither side able to get a foot on the ball on the miniscule pitch. Neither side created anything of note until a De Novo corner was not properly cleared and the second ball was headed into the top corner- agonisingly grazing off Nick Evans’ head on the line with the goalkeeper beaten. 1-0 De Novo.
Albion responded brightly and began to take control of the game. First Simon headed against the post, then Steve’s cross-come-shot (cross really I think but let’s be kind) struck that very same post. Don and Steve began to get the better of De Novo’s back 4 and were threatening to get behind them. However the best chance of the first half fell to Nick Evans who sidestepped the keeper before miss-hitting a left foot shot which trickled tamely to the defender on the line who cleared.
The half ended with Albion on top but a goal down.
The second half kicked off after a disappointing team talk from the gaffer in that it contained absolutely no restaurant based puns. Albion continued to be the better of the two sides as Abbot and McCue began to dominate the midfield battle despite a combined weight of possibly of 50% less than their De Novo counterparts. But it was clear that on this claustrophobic quagmire of a pitch it was going to take something special to create an opening. It came when Jindy Mann (I think) played a perfectly weighted through ball to the black salmon who had support but never looked like needing it as he closed in on goal and lashed his shot in at the near post. 1-1.
Mann: Damaged vegetables
However Albion couldn’t stay on level terms for long. A corner fell to the edge of the box and although Jindy Mann was able to block the first effort possibly with his vegetable area, the striker smashed the ball from the edge of the D and it flew into the top corner off the underside of the bar. There’s not much you can do about those. This was a real sucker punch for Albion as they felt they didn’t deserve to be behind. Unbelievably things got even worse when it became 3-1 as the De Novo midfielder hit a shot through a forest of legs into the bottom corner. It seemed as though there might be no way back.
Albion began to dominate and the pressure finally told, when Steve Leslie got free in the area but was closed before he could get a shot off. The ball fell to Simon Abbot who unselfishly squared for Nick Evans who’s first shot hit a defender on the line only for it to drop back to him to toe poke past the defender. 3-3.
The momentum had really swung by this stage and there was only going to be one winner. Whilst Albion pressed forward with both full backs pressing it seemed to be wave after wave of attack. De Novo could only offer direct hopeful balls which were easily dealt with by the rock solid pairing of Barny and Stew.
A great raking pass from the right from Twigg found Nick Evans occupying space behind the left back and with a free run at goal. As he bore down on the target it occurred to him, in a split second, where time appeared to stand still, that the angle was a bit tight, the goalkeeper was a bit huge and that it would be in the best interests for Albion, for the gaffer, and for the old man with the stick if he was to play a square ball to the onrushing Steve Leslie for a simple tap in and a 4-3 win. There comes a time in every makeshift centre forwards life that he has to put the team before personal glory.
 However Evans miscalculated and a De Novo defender slid in with an outstretched leg, his momentum increased on the greasy surface and the ball was intercepted. The ball dramatically and agonisingly screwed off his boot and span in the mud, stroked against the post and only by the grace of god trickled over the line to seal the win and 3 crucial points for the Albion.
McPhee: Considered Kazbar an option at 3-1
The referee who seemed to have more watches than H Samuel played a ridiculous amount of injury time- Barny and Stew braved a few more aerial bombardments, Duncan smashed into a challenge, Vilem teased a striker by picking the ball up very very very slowly and the clocks, all of them, finally ran down.
At 3-1 lesser teams would have given up, lesser teams would’ve crumbled, lesser teams would’ve retired to Kaz Bar to caress other men. But not Albion and not today.