The Albion FC

For all the details on another super smooth journey to an away game read the Gaffer’s match report now. Assuming that is you can find your way to the bottom of the page.

“We’re all off to Frimley, we’re all off to Frimley, tra-la-la-la”

A few weeks ago Vil had one of those Tony Hadley moments as he too found it hard to write the next line (True) in his match report. Not for me.

An Albion away game particularly in the cup competitions is always a memorable incident packed experience & the visit to Frimley lodge park vs Watchetts was no exception.

An 8am meet at the Alex was scheduled & with Bil, Rich & myself in the Trim mobile, we were late due to 2 seemingly un-connected instances. In a scene reminiscent of Hitchcock’s Psycho & Tarantino homage in Pulp Fiction, Albion player Steve Leslie (Aka Benjamin Button) crossed the road at the point the traffic lights were green for cars to go. A few expletives were exchanged especially after we had noticed him carrying what looked like the Sunday Times, 20 secs later the cops had pulled the Trim mobile over for what could only be described as a trade descriptions offence as there was no trim……just Bill & Rich. Having serviced the car & passed MOT but 48hrs previous, the pillar of society that is the teetotal, Malteser baiting scribe before you was confident no offence had occurred, fearing a Rodney King which would have left me Ledley King, I handed over my driving license and was allowed to drive to Frimley, with nothing more than a caution for DWB (Driving while Black).

Evans: Jimmy Two-Times

So with printed directions & Iphones primed with postcodes it was off to Frimley. 15minutes into the journey resident Jimmy 2 times (Nick Evans) over took us on the A3, it appeared by the bounce in his car that some acid house was being played as the car was bumpin, later on I learned it was for another reason (More later). The manouveure was executed with the confidence of a man who knew where he was going & with Duncan as navigator he must be right………..Wrong. After missing the 14th opportunity to turn left (do not mistake this for events in a game when Nick plays) the Trim mobile retook the lead with some careful Navigation by Bill. Our trusty American blaming his Iphone much like Columbus did his sextant on the Santa Maria for a scenic route of what appeared to be Aldershot by Guildford.

There waiting for us at the gates of Frimley Lodge Park was Vilem still sporting the uniform from the previous nights kazbah cock off, that was attended by no fewer than 5 Albiones who could not make it to the game. Alas the destination was found, only having gotten lost again in the car park with a road leading to the Trim trail.

Lauder: Rotten cable

The team got changed, 4-5-1, Jade replaced Bill (Finger Injury)in goal, Will, Myles, Dunc, Stew, Steve, Vilem, James, Nick & Rich. Rich was carrying a hand injury having had to fight off a load of women on Friday night. According to the migraine & white noise that was suffered by all who entered the vicinity of the toilet Stew was also injured. Resident dung beetle activist Jindy ”Napalm Bowels” Mann was away & in a homage Stew laid some rotten cable down the toilet that was an a Fly’s Disneyland.

Earlier Nick’s car had been bumpin and this was due to Stew trying to balance the turtleheads that were keen to make an entrance & had to balance this against the roof of the car. The match was being reffed by Michel Roux Jr  who made sure he was the chef in this footballing kitchen.

First half was fairly even with Watchetts in the red & black check shirts having good movement on both wings. They lined up 4-4-2 & had a particularly lively forward who was both skilful & quick & also predominantly left footed.

With the sun in our eyes for the first half, Albion managed to have spells of possession without delivering many clear cut chances. James had made some telling interceptions & with Steve’s workrate being an outlet on the left & inside left channel our play started to develop.

Rich found space down the left hand side after receiving the ball from Nick, & Vilem on occasion and used this space to deliver some crosses to the on rushing Don & midfield, unfortunately these chances alongside shots from outside the area were seldom on target and in the first half it’s not memorable as to whether the opposition keeper touched the ball.

Their were some strong defending by the Albion back four & with the odd long diagonal ball played to the flanks & through the middle, Duncan & Stewart dealt well with the few attacks Watchetts had with that hot light shining in their eyes. Albion completed their best move of the match with a 10+passing move across the pitch, it was like watching Tierra del Fuego if not quite brazil

0-0 Half time.

At half time some players had stated that it was men against boys but that was a discredit to Watchetts as while they were young the neither team had penetrated the net & to disrespect them would only embarrass us.

Extra effort was called for as was composure in front of goal.

From the re-start Steve had a left footed shot trickle to the keeper from an acute angle, Vilem had a shot from distance which again failed to test the keeper, Nick delivered some corners which caused a little event in the area but again the goal was not breached.

Watchetts had a number of breakaways either foiled by Stew or Duncan at the back.

After several poor kicks from the goal keeper Albion were on the receiving end of some pressure due to a few un contested balls being repatriated towards the goal. On 2 occasions the Albion keeper saw 2 point blank headers sail over the bar after parrying the initial efforts.

Barker: Failed to mention the save he made with his shins.

One particular Watchetts breakaway saw a deflected shot go in between the legs of Duncan & head for what seemed to be the bottom corner. As it headed agonising into the net (cue Chariots of Fire theme) the Albion keeper leaped to his left out stretching the left hand from which he felled many a man, to claw the ball to safety & keep the score nil.

There was some good passing football by Albion with very little penetration with the exception of one move. Vilem twisted & turned the Watchetts defence inside out before being felled on the edge of the area. With a 5 man wall blocking his path to goal, Don took aim & delivered a curling free kick into the roof of the net. 1-0 to the Albion.

A howling scream bellowed from the lungs of the big man, a scream not heard since Stewart deposited a little present in the toilets earlier. I think the Don was pleased, not only did he score but he took the kit & we all wait to see whether Don can hold onto his crown of best kit wash of the season (almost 3 years on the bounce). Albion saw out the remaining 10 minutes without using the experience that is ingrained when protecting a slender lead (keeping it in the corners).

The Albion ventured back towards Clapham, I had problems with the car, Nick only went round the roundabout 6 times & we enter into the second round.