The Albion FC

Albion’s international tournament squad received a much needed boost today, with the news that Vilem Palac will be cutting short his holiday to participate in the Buenne Cup. The news has echoes of the Danish team who were enjoying beers and sunshine on the beach when war broke out in the Baltics, leading to their late inclusion in the 1992 European Championships. In a dramatic denouement, they went on to win the tournament. Albion manager, Jade Barker, remarked of Palac “He often plays like he’s just left his sun lounger.”

Meanwhile, in a move reminiscent of The Black Knight from Monty Python, Jindy Mann declared himself as “likely to be fit”. A source close to the biscuit-man expressed his surprise saying “he hasn’t been fit since 1997”. Doctors have sanctioned a return to light activity as part of his rehabilitation and Mann now has his sights set on victory in the Buenne Cup and participation in the Berlin Marathon in September. “‘Tis but a scratch” said Mann, adding “Come on, I’ll bite yer legs off!”

The club are still anxiously awaiting news on rusty barneted full-back, Will Slater. The Vize Spielfuhrer is also battling to be fit following being diagnosed with severe Achilles tendonitis. He said to have retreated to an intensive regime at a survivalist camp at altitude in the Alps, carrying only his canvas rucksack, brown shorts and a brown vest. He has refused an experimental latte-based treatment for his injury., saying “Latte? LATTE??? FUCK. THAT. SHIT.”