The Albion FC

Jindy Mann today unveiled a stunning loan deal, capturing Falcons FC warhorse Dave French to represent Albion in the Buenne Cup. The news comes as a rapid reaction to the club’s injury crisis in the countdown to the tournament. Mann is said to have acted quickly following behind-the-scenes machinations orchestrated by legendary Albion striker, Matt Greensmith. Pre-empting any suggestion of wrongdoing, Hull-based Greensmith said “I just happened to be in a pub in Battersea when Frenchie walked in, and the rest is history. There was no tapping up, trust me. The only thing I tap is balls into the net from 2-yards out.”

French expressed his delight at the loan deal, which ironically ends just one week before Albion play Falcons in a pre-season friendly. “This is a dream come true” he said at today’s press conference. “When I was a boy, I remember watching my heroes like Greensmith and Scott, even though they were getting on a bit. I used to dream about playing on Clapham Common. I mean, it’s every boy’s dream isn’t it?”

French: Experienced

Critics, however, have derided the deal as adding to an already aging squad. The current line-up is believed to be the oldest ever seen in Buenne, and most other places in the world. Mann, meanwhile, was ebullient about the deal, believing French has the perfect background for the gruelling 24-hour demands of the tournament. “You can’t buy what Frenchie brings to the team. He’s been there, done it, got the knickers to prove it. If you look at his record, this is a guy who’s been going to Glastonbury and Thailand pretty much every year for the last decade. Trust me, this boy can booze with the best of them. Don’t you worry about that… What?… Football?…… oh yeah, he can play that too.”