Barker: Worried, older and the author of this week's match report
I write this a worried man, a man getting older, a man who for some reason finds something warm and refreshing about Karen Brady & Claire Tomlinson.
Much like that last mince pie at xmas, I shouldn’t really but can’t help fancying it.
Zinedine, Etienne & Perseus, all names I gave serious consideration to giving my son if I had one, I had been blessed with girls but it did not stop me giving one of them a greek name. I have a particular affinity for the ancient Greeks with the Odyssey & the Ilyad being particularly good yet painful reads.
The match was reminiscent of the Odyssey the long search for 3pts & defence of our realm that is the division One crown. The champions played host to Streatham Stanley a newly promoted team to the division, who shared the same name as a former Albione………….Billy Streatham. My car was a jewish nightmare as i had given Hatch his customary Sunday morning lift & he stank the car out wreaking of fried swine.
Clapham has not been that kind to us this season having said that the warmer than average November coupled with the pitch selection meant that it was kinder to squirrels within Jindy’s sights & to passers by who had the misfortune to see the number of Movember supporters.
A worthy & just cause it is, however when half the players look like a cross between Merv Hughes & Emiliano Zapata its going to be an interesting morning. The initial pitch was massive……if your name is Warwick Davis, unfortunately it was not for the champions & we subsequently changed from pitch 7 to #8.
Having farcically taken the nets down & re-inserting them we got off to start the match.Hatch, The Prince, Ron Weasley, Myles, The Don, Good Evans, Spielfuhrer, Wiggum, Dan, Farrelly & Ravanelli of whom I have noticed is always last out of the dressing room.
This team started & finished the match unfortunately Justice was called out to work & by that I do not mean retribution was here, but Simon was at 3 Bridges…….deciding which one to jump off after realising he had exhausted all the hairdressers in the UK that would cut that barnet. Rich’s pants were on fire in Croydon…….I mean he had a flat tyre in Croydon.
First half was non-descript, Albion attacking downhill towards the pavement roadside, very few attacks of note. Save for 2, Steve in typical swashbuckling style chased a through ball from the Don and after shaking his marker managed to send a rasping shot towards goal & the keepers bottom right hand. The keeper saved it before spilling it within the six yard box. Unfortunately no Albione was quick or close enough to tap the ball home as they were still doing the nets.
Reuben Stanley: Silence as we remember Albionees past
Streatham, I choose this as not to offend Stanley or SS by abbreviating the team name, managed to get into the game by winning many of the headers and being quicker to the second ball. The first goal came from 3 consecutive unforced errors leading to free kicks for what was one of 2 shots on target. The final free kick was 25 yards from goal and a Stanley player buried it in the top corner. I once saw a Stanley do exactly the same thing on a pitch next door, he was excellent that day.
Scoring a second half hat trick with the keeper being equally good saving 3 penalties. Smelling salts please.
There were a number of half chances for the Albion with the force being with us downhill, long throws and the corners were looking like the only opportunities for us to break the opposition down but nothing clear cut. Other than a tantalisingly close free header from Wiggum from a Jindy corner.
Anyroad that was 1-0. Half time soon followed & despite the oppositions confidence there was not much to worry us having seen them have only one other shot on target. Our confidence was high in the belief that there was a lot left to give in order to get back in the game.
Mann: "Like a breakdancing Bruce Lee"
Dan was like a man possessed at the start of the 2nd half wining a lot of balls in the air and running hard against the Streatham centre backs. The spielfuhrer delivered a 4 tackle combo within a 4 metre radius. It was like a breakdancing Bruce Lee, The Don at right back was getting forward and linking play with the front men and midfield, with a delivery akin to DHL
Wiggum,aka Buff Ralph was getting into the game playing like a young Patrick Vieira winning many balls in the air and dropping deft touches to the wings and midfield.
I was running the line and was quite chuffed at the football we were playing in order to get back into the game. Streatham had the odd breakaway & looked threatening with their pacy forwards, but they were held at bay by Barnacle, I mean Ron Weasley, who had been having a great game leading at the back.
Just a side note, am I the only one that thinks John Bishop is a cock who is not funny and looks like a scouse Bee Gee.
Nick was starting to work his way into the game and found some great link up play with Steve. One clearance had found Steve after he had out muscled his defender & beat the right back for pace, heading to what looked like the corner flag, Steve turned to his right to shape a shot just wide of the post and the on rushing Dan. All his own work.
A series of corners from attacks started from defence in Albions favour saw the Streatham defence ride their luck like the last whore in town. Shots by Don, Will, Dan & Wiggum all found their way deflected off target by the resilient Streatham defence. Hatch had to pull off a couple of great saves at the feet of the Streatham attacker when one breakaway cut through the defence like a …..Stanley knife, saving at the attackers feet with both hands and feet, the hatch …..kept the hatch shut a little longer.
As the minutes & the game drew close to a finish the feeling was eerily close that it was not to be for the Albion. Alas it wasn’t
Despite this defeat to what was a resilient Streatham side, the champions can be proud at their valiant attempt to redress the balance by playing football on a terrible pitch without resorting to hoofing the ball up front. The quality of the response was top class and the spirit of this experience will stand us in good stead for the remainder of the season.
We must endeavour to deliver better as we near our 50th year.