Palac: Author of this week's report
Albion remains unbeaten this season (including double headers, cup games and when Bill wasn’t in the goal). Given Albion’s activity on the transfer market during the pre season and having the luxury of being able to pick and choose players, Albion were referred to “sunday league’s Man City’, while Albion’s manager was branded “The Steve Evans” of sunday league by various media outlets.
This weekend’s game was the first round of Surrey Cup (intermediate). Just for the record, Albion made the final of Surrey Cup in 2010. That was the last time Albiones were treated to cafe Nero stories and Jon Roberts warm up from the legend himself. His brother, Dan Roberts, also recently retired from Albion, put this weekend’s game in big danger.
He decided to get married ….during the season !?! Albion gaffer J. Barker, already dealing with injury crisis haven’t seen since September 2011 at Crawley Town, now had to deal with number of players being invited to the wedding, therefore turning up with a hangover on sunday morning, or not turning up at all. At the end, Albion managed to get 11 players, and even had the luxury of two superhero subs from The Slaternator and The Barkernator.
Greensmith: Couldn't be persuaded to pull on the blue and black armour one more time
There was the classic Albion pre match ritual. Meet up at the Alex, wait for Will and his delayed tube. Possibly senseing Albion’s shortage of players Albion legend Matt Greensmith appeared in front of waiting Albion’s at The Alex. Were we about to see him resume his classic strike partnership with Jade. Sadly no. Anyway new boys jump in the Trim mobile and be bollocked for not being able to navigate sufficiently.Â
Arrive at the ground with 30 minutes delay, quick change, Stew drinks 7 Lucozades, rubs his ball bag with tiger balm imported from Krabi area in Thailand, discuss whether it was ‘tights weather’ etc etc etc.  Â
Line up was 4-4-2: Blaney – Twigg, Lauder, Day, Desenberg – Shucksmith, Abbott, McBaiden, Palac – Thomas, Leslie. Subs Slater and Barker.  Game kicked off in a seriously hot weather, unusual for October. Albion immediately took control of the game, unusual at any time. It was visible with first few touches that Sutton’s defence was of a certain quality that allowed Don and Steve race through, and generally allowed Albion to get upper hand. Albion put the ball on the floor and knocked it around nicely.
Albion took few shots, all coming from a source unheard of – Simon Abbott. Make the matter worse, it was with his left foot. Make the matter even worse, statistically, Simon hasn’t scored a valid goal for Albion for over 2 seasons (even though he will ‘technically’ disagree). Sutton played a high line and often attempted to play off side trap. Albiones happened to get caught off side few times, but slowly realised that the way to deal with this was to keep the ball longer and knock it to the wings. Wingers Dan and Vilem, were well supported by full backs Dunc and Myles, which piled the pressure further.
Albion won corner, which was perfectly executed by Vilem, Simon nearly won the header, second ball fell to Dan Shucksmith who took a very lousy shot towards the corner flag, which was fortunately deflected of Jeff ‘the Dunc’ Horse(field)’s calf and trickled into far corner, 1:0. Albion then switched off and allowed a long ball behind the defence, Bill came out, but couldn’t prevent being lobbed, 1:1.
The Black Salmon: No header required this week
Simon and Ralph continued to make their presence felt in midfield and didn’t make the best friends with Sutton’s mid fielders who didn’t seem to like bit of physical and repeatedly coming out on loosing side. Don and Steve were told to try and hold the ball instead of flicking it on, as Sutton’s defence never closed them down to cause any discomfort. Simon then knocked the ball to Myles, who found Steve, who held the ball well and passed towards sprinting Vilem, who with first touch put the ball between centre backs into path of The Black Salmon. Don felt it was too easy to take a shot into uncovered 5 meters of the goal, so hit the ball towards and under the keeper, 2:1 up.
This was excellent passing move by Albion, that Brighton & Hove Albion would love to be able to perform. Steve soon run away down the right wing. He was so fast that not even his team mates could get in the box to help him. Steve ended up taking a shot from silly angle, which looked better than it was. Dan then put Steve through again, this time Steve wasn’t as ‘far right’ and smashed the ball into the net, 3:1 up. No one celebrated with Steve, which brought memories of Dan Roberts/Matt Greensmith partnership. Half time 3:1 up. Â
There was typical half time talk. Steve pulled out his bananas and listened to bollocking from the gaffer…. 3:1 up, often nice passing football, but we didn’t hit anywhere near form yet and were far too inconsistent. Second half started. Albion wanted to keep passing well, but possibly felt it was going to happen easily and without hard work. Well, let’s say Albion were the second best in almost everything during most of the second half. Albion were put under pressure by many long throws that didn’t cause that great danger, but as Albion didn’t clear well enough or then didn’t keep the ball well, it was immediately back to another throw.
Sutton also won couple of corners and had one clear chance when they should have scored. It looked like the next goal was going to be deciding one. One of the very few bright sparks of Albion’s sleeping quality was when Vilem once run away down the left wing, took on defender, did couple of step overs and then pulled the ball back… aiming for Steve, Steve was again too fast and over run it, but the ball was presented to Don on a golden plate asking to be put in the net. Don again went for the more difficult way and instead of hitting the net straight, he squeezed the ball between keeper’s fingers, 4:1, 10 ish minutes left, game over really.
Barker: The Clapham Maradona
Albion’s action superheroes Slaternator and Barkernator made a cameo appearance to the delight of non existing Albion travelling support. The Barkernator still managed to make this week’s Henri Leconte Award his. With the game in the bag the Barkernator the Clapham Maradonna decided to demonstrate one of his extensive range of tricks. Having previously delighted the Albion with many shin pad volleys it was time to announce a new piece of magic. With a bobbling ball at his feet the Barkernator jumped a little in the air, faked a left footed kick, and – to the audible gasps of the crowd – flicked the ball with the instep of his right foot into the path of much surprised Simon. Truly a moment of improvised genius.
Game done, 4:1. On overall, Albion deserved their win, purely on their first half performance and clinical finishing. I don’t think there were many Albion chances not taken. Thinking about this report, there is no mention of Lord Barnaby and Sir Blaney. Well, there is now.