{"id":1959,"date":"2013-03-04T20:00:20","date_gmt":"2013-03-04T20:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/?p=1959"},"modified":"2013-03-04T20:00:20","modified_gmt":"2013-03-04T20:00:20","slug":"albion-run-threatened-by-hobsons-sex-panther-shortage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/?p=1959","title":{"rendered":"ALBION RUN THREATENED BY HOBSON&#8217;S &#8220;SEX PANTHER&#8221; SHORTAGE"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Following Sunday\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s emphatic 5-0 victory over Southern Sunday League rivals Huracan, Albion\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s run of good form has sensationally been threatened by a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sex Panther\u00e2\u20ac\u009d shortage.<a href=\"http:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/IMG_0543.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-1960\" title=\"IMG_0543\" src=\"http:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/IMG_0543-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/IMG_0543-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/IMG_0543-768x1024.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>During the weekend\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pre-game preparations, and after successfully lubricating 28 thighs, calves and hamstrings using only 1ml of liquid, the mysterious muscle relaxant\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bottle ran dry.<\/p>\n<p>Since the introduction of the herbal muscle relaxant by fullback Jonny Hobson, the origins and ingredients of the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sex Panther\u00e2\u20ac\u009d are shrouded in mystery. However, there have been some bizarre and amazing effects on the Albion players.<\/p>\n<p>During recent games, Albion centre back and team clogger Stewart Lauder has been seen performing dummies, Cruyff turns and even passed to feet.<\/p>\n<p>Right back, Tasmanian devil and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sex Panther\u00e2\u20ac\u009d owner Jonny Hobson has gone 2 consecutive games without a booking, Barny Day has taken to performing dubious and politically incorrect impressions and manager Jade Barker has been calling everyone \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Will\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n<p>Whilst getting his monthly fill of Ralph McBaiden, weekend spectator and centre midfielder Dave McPhee said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wood Lock? I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure about that. Personally every time I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m down here watching Buff Ralph, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got a case of Wood cock\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.<\/p>\n<p>In a desperate bid to halt any ill effects the lack of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sex Panther\u00e2\u20ac\u009d might potentially have on the team and in a race against time before the next league match. Albion manager Barker has despatched team central midfielder and secret agent James \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bourne\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to the Far East in search of the elixir.<\/p>\n<p>Barker said this of the situation, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve sent Will over there, hopefully he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll locate it and stuff\u00e2\u20ac\u009d, adding, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve also asked him to keep an eye out for any central midfielders, you can never have enough.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n<p>Whether the Albion hierarchy locate a new batch of the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sex Panther\u00e2\u20ac\u009d remains to be seen. Albion supporters are asked to be vigilant whilst visiting local \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Pound Shops\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and to contact the club immediately should the potion be located.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Following Sunday\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s emphatic 5-0 victory over Southern Sunday League rivals Huracan, Albion\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s run of good form has sensationally been threatened by a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sex Panther\u00e2\u20ac\u009d shortage. During the weekend\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pre-game preparations, and after successfully lubricating 28 thighs, calves and hamstrings using only 1ml of liquid, the mysterious muscle relaxant\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bottle ran dry. Since the introduction of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/19"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1959"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1962,"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959\/revisions\/1962"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.albionfc.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}