Find out about Vilem’s vegetables, as assessment of the Wandsworth Council and a bit about Albion vs Southbank. Read Vilem’s match report now.
I always struggle to get the first line out of the way. I mean line… first sentence… I had lot on my mind actually, but this was politically incorrect and therefore unlikely appropriate for Albion’s website. Let’s just say that we knew we were facing traditional south London team. Team which can at times play decent football and for whatever reason are current title holders. But as gaffer says, let’s not talk about the opposition, this is about us… Surrey Cup runner ups and 3rd place in the league, while we were 30 minutes away from taking the league title too… off Southbank.
Dunc: Likes it closely trimmed
I feel I need to say well done to the Wandsworth Council. In the time of cuts and all that non sense politics, Albion found their hallowed home soil freshly cut. It looked nearly beautiful. Thick, short, green, fairly flat and with no visible dog sh*t to Slater’s disappointment. Some wondered whether Albion’s legendary schnitzel mower Dunc the Funk was involved.Â
Albion’s relationship with Wandsworth Council has always been troublesome, but now seems to be on the mend. Albiones were never able to shower after the games, mainly as there were no showers in the changing rooms. Some Albiones also protested as there was lack of toilet in the changing rooms and took their dirty protests to local Café Nero (some are still protesting as we speak). Council finally installed showers (sometimes water runs) and toilet (sometimes flushes), but then annoyed Albion by leaving one of our footballs stuck in the trees for several weeks. We hope we’re friends again now. Till Jindy takes another shot…
Surprisingly everyone arrived on time. Even Lord Barnaby, who says that married life changed him. Return of the Dog Rapist revealed ‘bench flippers’. They know who they are. There was very good mood in the changing rooms despite finding out that Albion’s number one fan Danny Dyer has been suffering from depression. Apparently, he didn’t like to be pictured as cvnt in the newspapers. Team talk had to take place outside as the lights in changing room didn’t work, nice. We were finally told the starting line up – 4 – 1 – 3 – 2. This was: Blaney – Twigg, Lauder, Day, Slater – McCue – McPhee, Mann, Evans – Palac, Thomas. On the bench were DR and The Greg. Now legendary Slater/Palac left side was broken up again. Insert photo named vil n will. We had pretty non eventful warm up, Slater touched his toes and did a disco flower. It was impossible to miss that Southbank slowly arrived. Some warmed up while listening to iPods they ‘found’ in Argos the other week, some just chatted sh*te and then there was this man pulling a builder’s tool box. Slater’s Kazbag was soooo last week. (Southbank did have a better warm up later on). Game on.
From Albion’s point of view this was fairly scrappy, not pretty with lots of fifty/fifty balls. As if we were ever able to play pretty. Southbank passed the ball much better, had few one twos and created few triangles, but that was all. Bill wasn’t really needed. Albion worked tremendously hard and made it difficult for Southbank, who grew impatient, angry and at times dirty. We always knew that Southbank were physical and we were prepared to respond with the same treatment, but some (most) Southbank players took this too far.
Bill had a bit of Stuart Pearce/Basile Boli confrontation with opposition skipper. Ron Large (that’s a referee, not a porn star) amusingly separated players by telling a story about premiership refereeing. Andy and Jindy in the middle went through hundreds of pushes, tackles or nudges. Later Vilem’s vegetables and Captain Morgan got purposely stepped on by Southbank over weight idiot. There were many incidents when Southbank players became mouthy and seemed to be looking for a reaction from Albiones. Ron Large didn’t seem to be of any help as he at times seemed to make up his own rules, but Albiones didn’t react in a way that Southbank hoped us to react. Albion continued to fight fairly for the ball and continued to be pain in the bottom for Southbank.
Half way through the first half Albion got two big chances to score. First one when Nick Evans played one two with Vilem, then completely outpaced that fat thing and went one on one with the keeper. Nick then hit his shot right into the keeper, bugger. Second was when Vilem tackled that fat thing, ball bounced to Dave, who put Vilem back in, who somehow got past returning and falling defenders, but then completely miss kicked his shot from about penalty area. Albion should have been winning now. There was another opportunity for Don, when Southbank’s keeper failed twice to hold Vilem’s poor cross. Half time finished 0:0. I guess we left good about our performance, but possibly felt pretty knackered.
Lauder: Disappointed with goal kick
Second half started and it seemed to be pretty much one way traffic. Albion still worked hard, but Southbank were clearly a better side. There was bit of wind against the Albion. All goal kicks, clearances or Bill’s kicks got held up in the air and it looked easier for Southbank to pick the second balls and put the pressure back on Albion’s defence. Bill was now in action all the time. Albion probably never faced so many corners and never took so many goal kicks in one match (Simon’s stats). This was literally a fight to get the ball away, then in few seconds do the same, and again do the same all over again. Whole back four of Dunc, Stew, Barny and Will, with support of defensive duo Andy and Jindy kept on getting the ball away from Bill, while the rest tried to keep the ball away from Bill. Southbank had few chances and should have been winning now, or equalising as we meant to be up now. At one point Stew won a crunching tackle and ball flew off him for a corner. Ron Large awarded a goal kick, which upset lot of Southbank players and also Stew. Stew claimed that it was more emphatic to award a corner following such a tackle.
With about 20 minutes to go Dunc’s glass ankle gave up. Dan Roberts was to be his replacement. Gaffer’s last instructions to Dog Rapist were: “under no circumstances… Do not give away any free kicks…” At the same move Dave was bizarrely asked to play right back and therefore faced the speedy Southbank winger who few minutes before outpaced Dunc. Dave, famed for his Kazbar no limit credit card and for being lightning slow dully agreed, while Dan was to play in Dave’s earlier role in midfield. Just as you’d expect Dan’s first involvement was to give away free kick. Two minutes later, Dan’s second involvement was to give away second free kick. And in another few minutes, Dan’s third involvement was to give away third free kick followed by 180 degrees spiral with hands thrown in the air while mumbling something about effing off.
Roberts: Followed gaffer's instructions
With about 5 minutes to go Albion had a throwing in Southbank’s half, which got cleared by Southbank towards their striker. As Will took this throw he understandably couldn’t make up the ground to get back in time, which left the rest of the defence with no spare man. Southbank striker was soon facing Bill and took advantage of Bill not standing in the middle of the goal and easily passed the ball past Bill. (Sorry Bill, I saw you/this from half way line and there was no time or chance to help you/us), 0:1 with 5 minutes to go. The Greg came on instead of Vilem to give the attack bit of a freshness. Unfortunately, there was no change in the play or the score. Southbank won 1:0.
On overall, Southbank had more play and put us under big pressure in the second half. However, Albion has every right to feel hard done by as we held on for so long… And should have been ahead after the first half…