Full match report for last weeks match v Hope & Horns…
0’ – Ref blows whistle the game begins.
“Hey, McFly!” : This weeks scribe Chaz Baxendale
6’ – Goal!! 0 – 1 FC Misc
can’t remember this goal so let’s just forget about it. Who wants to remember the opposition’s goals anyway!?!
7’ – Injury. Rich Evans
Evans hobbles off with a groin injury. Nervous glances towards Simon Abbot who replaces him.
9’ Goa!!- Another goal? Fuck sake Albion. 0 – 2 Hopes & Horns
Dubious. Very bloody dubious. A fine save by Walter, ensures the ball DOES NOT cross the line, the ref gives it anyway because he’s a dick, (watch this space). This game looks over for the Albion. And Walter’s arm is limper than a wet lettuce leaf soaked in luke warm milk.
9’ – 24’ – Graft.
Some seriously hard graft from the chaps in red. Special mention to Luke P and Simon A for easing into the game like it ain’t no thang.
25’ – Red Card for Hopes & Horns and
Oh no sorry… it was a yellow, because the ref’s lost the plot. Carlile brought down on a clear goal scoring opportunity.
28’ – OG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1-2 Hopes & Horns
Sure, I would try and claim it to, but Harry you cannot be serious. If this counts as his goal, then I’m not playing. All the same, the mounting pressure from the Albion pays off when on of FC Misc’s defenders plays a lovely golf like chip into the top corner of their own net. Game on.
31’ – Albion are feeling GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
33’ – Midfield duo Jimmy Rothers and Willy Carlton are starting to assert themselves. Yes lads.
Will C takes one for the team in what can only be describe as GBDVH; Grevious Bodily Deadly Vicious Hurting. This deserves a SPECIAL MENTION.
37’ – Another OG!!!!! 2-2 Albion
Lovely link up play by the Carlile brothers, Will C playing a fine pass directly into path of H Carl.
The coolest cat on the pitch when it comes to finishing, Carlile dispatches. No questions asked
Two own goals and Albion are back in the game!
45’ – Half time. Get those fluids in boys. You nearly pissed it all away.
47’ – Yellow Card Albion FC
Stewart Lauder gets a yellow for winning the ball and not taking the man out at all. A good, well timed tackle, maybe – probably.
49’ – Severed heads, but no red.
Lauder has found a loophole in the system. His bloodlust can still be satisfied without receiving that deadly red card. Nick Milne suffers as a result of this loophole. Lauder commits the second act of Grevious Bodily Deadly Vicious Hurting on the unsuspecting Milne. Praise be to Jeebus that he is ok, he is beginning to play well.
53’ – Chicken-Wing play extra spicy.
Wingers Marcus and Nick turn up the heat. A rage boiling in Marcus not seen since the heady Will Slater days. Maybe they are going to the same music concerts? Either way, we love it.
58’ – Capitano Duncan head-butt
Captain rallies his troops by head-butting the opposition’s keeper. Putting his mind and body on the line for the team.
60’ – Defence.
A Hungary’esque performance by Stew and Alek’s in the second half.
Ain’t nobody getting through. Ruthless.
62’ – Stunning Pass
Incredible pass by Marcus. Receives the ball out on the left. Cuts in and plays a terrific 12 yard pass to the nearest man. Great stuff.
78’ – Foul
Things are getting Strictly Come Dancing up front. Carlile and FC Misc defender Paul Bunnion demonstrate their keen love of the ‘Tango Caminata’ a gorgeous, fast paced Argentinian tango. Scintillating.
85’ – GOOOOOOAL LAAAAZIO!! 3-2
Shit! Did you see that? He had a foot like a traction engine.
Great goal from the nifty Columbian. Nicolas Milnericos skips past probably 6 players. Then drills it home from 25 yards beating the dumfounded keeper at his near post. These South Americans really know how to spank a ball. The ref tries to disallow it, claiming he didn’t see it. That’s because the ball was travelling at warp factor 9 ref, you piece of toast.
90’ – The full capacity crowd cheers, the champagne is out.
A strong second half performance from the Albion saved themselves from a disappointing start to the season. The ref was actually a nice guy, I would never condone legitimate abuse towards a ref.
With a win under their belt the Albion can now look ahead to next week’s game, playing the mighty FC Macchiato. Unlike the tasty hot beverage found in any east London craft coffee shop, these guys are highly unpleasant and often found pulling the toenails off squirrels in the back streets of South Lambeth road. They need a ruddy good mashing I say. Up the Albion!!