McPhee: The artist formerly known as 'the Dave role'
*Authors disclaimer – I’m finishing this report a couple of months after the game and following a persistent email and text intimidation campaign from the Gaffer. Therefore the ‘stats’ may be up for debateâ€
On a real pea souper of a morning The Ablion now assembled at their two traditional meeting points for away games. One half meeting at The Alex; the other half at the away ground. I may be mistaken but part of me thinks Jade has been on a Secret Services briefing and for contingency reasons now makes us meet separately for fear of a traditional South London terrorist attack. His preparation knows no bounds.
I was part of The Alex contingent and have little to report other than Will’s claims that Jindy should be stripped of the captaincy due to his late arrival. Personally I think these two should just get together full time and release the tension between them once and for all. Or I could be projecting.
Day: Blamed dodgy pint (or five)
We arrived at the away ground which is home, by popular consent, to the best changing rooms in the SSFL – spacious, showers, lights and best of all under floor heating, which makes them officially better than my bathroom. The changing room saw the usual Albion routine but this time with added Benny from Crossroads impressions (ask your Mum Nick E); Don, in a blatant attempt to keep hold of his title, spreading the theory that Ralph took the kit to the launderette and Barny blaming the industrial smell emitting from his body on the previous days fifth pint of Red Stripe. Once Jade had recovered from gas poisoning it was onto more serious matters – the team – we were back to the now classic 4-1-3-2:
- GK – Bill
- RB – Don (in his best position)
- CB – Barny
- CB – Si (aiming to extend a statistic only NASA’s finest scientists can develop a spreadsheet to prove)
- LB – Will
- Dave Role – Jindy (despite me being in the squad, I wonder if it’s time to change the name of this position by deed poll?)
- Midfield 3 – Dan; Ralph and Nick E
- Up front – Rich and Steve
- Subs – Me, Nick M and Will C
A cracking team on paper but would it be enough to see off the SSFL’s Portugese fancy dans.
OK, that’s where I stopped writing in the week after the game and therefore I am reduced to what I think are accurate bullet points:
* A solid opening spell where the Albion produced the better football, especially Dan and Don on the right but the game was being increasingly punctuated by the ref giving dubious fouls
* The Albion took a one goal lead through, I think Rich, with a smart finish
* Then, I think the scoring went 1-1; 2-1 (Albion – Nick Evans at the back post?) and then 2-2 when Bill was outdone by his arch nemesis, the ball above head height. Only joking Bill!!!
* By this time the three subs were on and it was a bit of a cracking Sunday league game, i.e. end to end with very little in the way of actual football being played.
* Finally, in the last few minutes, following a melee in the opposition’s box the ball broke to Will C and he smashed (????) it into the bottom corner. Queue pandemonium from The Albion and moaning from Navigodas. I seem to remember at this point Nick E being accused of being a racist, ala Suarez. I look forward to Jade’s attempt to defend his player in public with a diatribe about typical South Mediterranean behaviour.
* And Will’s goal made it 3-2 and victory for The Albion.
So, ok, not the best match report but if Jade asks you really enjoyed it and found it both accurate and informative. He’s threatened to drive me around all week listening to Led Zeppelin otherwise. Over and out.